Real Life

My life is not "together."

I don't wake up in the morning with a smile and a yawn, followed by a flawless blood sugar check, then lace up my shoes to go on a run.

I'm awful at following routines and schedules, inherently stubborn to the standards I set for myself. Ic change my mind, and set too-high standards and worry about what other people see me as.

I'm not perfect.

But amidst this mess I like to call my life, I need to take into account all that I do. I aced my first semester of nursing school, made friends and memories, stayed in touch with family and friends, and managed a chronic disease.

Sure, my A1c went up a little. Sure, There have been times where I didn't call my mom back on time or where I got stressed and blew off studying to hang out with friends. Sure, I forgot about the gym for the entirety of November and December. But I'm learning, I'm living, and I'm experiencing.

We all are. We're doing better than you'd think when we take a step back and look at our accomplishments. Most of us could use a little dose of change and a positive attitude, myself most definitely included.

So here's to little positive changes with a big impact, and not stressing about our images or how "togteher" our lives are. Drink a cup of coffee, call a friend, and download your blood sugars. Heck, change your lancet!

2017 is going to be a good year, guys.

Because we're going to make it one.

Katy

Something to Celebrate

     So… It’s my fourth diaversary…

     After a mindless google search of “how to celebrate your diaversary,” it has come to my attention that while most people think a diaversary is, in fact, something to be celebrated, there are a few who don’t. And that makes me sad.

     Not that you have to celebrate- but I think we should recognize the significance?

     Diabetes may not be something you like… Most of us don’t appreciate the crazy blood sugar swings and endless shots and finger pokes. You honestly don’t even have to be okay with it, because, no, you did not ask for this disease… (Accepting your diabetes is great… but not at all relevant here.) You can absolutely hate diabetes, and I still think that your diaversary is worth celebrating.

     Let me explain.

     I am not saying that you should feel one way or another. You don’t have to throw a party, treat yourself, or even remember the date of your diagnosis. Nope. But when you do think of it, I think you should be proud of yourself. Because you have done so much to get yourself through another year. You have kicked diabetes’s butt a little more than it has kicked yours.

     I am actually glad that I have diabetes… I don’t like the swings in blood sugar and countless shots, but it has changed my life for the better. And so while I celebrate the kicking of diabetes’s butt I’ve done, I’m celebrating the friends and the memories it has led me to.

     You kicked the butt of diabetes for one more year. Congratulations.

Adulting and Other Important Events

I am seventeen years old. 

Seventeen...

In less than three months, I'm going to be an adult in a sort of limited legal way.

     The idea of growing up and everything sort of freaks me out. I mean, growing up sort of snuck up on me, it seems like yesterday I was the shiny and newly diabetic in the eighth grade, and now I'm a senior in high school and applying to colleges and suddenly, my life is more about what I want to do than ever. Not what my parents and teachers want. Not what my friends want. What I want.

     Getting to chose what I want is empowering, definitely. But the freedom, of course comes with more responsibility, responsibility which I'm more than willing to take on, and I feel more than ready to accept.

But how does this affect my diabetes? That's harder to answer.

     I have been blessed with access to great doctors and diabetes educators, and they have taught me indescribable amounts about how to take care of myself. I'm thankful that I'll be able to keep going to the pediatric endocrinologist who knows me for a little while longer, but I know that when I have to find an adult endocrinologist, I'll know how to advocate for myself, and what to look for in a doctor, and I'll be aware that it might be a struggle to find a doctor that deals with a lot of type ones... But I know I'll be fine. 

     But thankfully, for now, I can focus on senior year and applying to colleges.

Advocation and Childhood Nostalgia

     So I guess that this post starts way back, to about when I was in second grade, and decided to save up enough money to buy my own American Girl doll. I really wanted one that I thought looked just like me, which is funny now because:

a) it didn't really, and
b) it seems a little vain.
   
     Anyway, I loved that doll, and admittedly dressed her it up sometimes past when playing dolls was  considered a socially acceptable activity. So today when I stumbled across a site that 3D prints dolls with medical conditions and their medical accessories (With insulin pumps in progress!) I was reminded of my American Girl Doll, and yeah, I did go to the website to see what medical "accessories" were available. They have special dolls without hair, and hearing aids, and wheelchairs for dolls, as well as a kit with various casts and bandages. Very cute, in a somewhat unique way (coming from a girl who always played doctor with her toys).

     I LOVED this stuff at one point, and I know I would have wanted an insulin pump for my doll if I had been diagnosed younger. Because of this (and the image of a tiiiiiny insulin pump), I actually decided to call the company and (somewhat awkwardly) ask about diabetes supplies for dolls.

     I ended up talking to the lady for 10 minutes (LOL but also very cool), and she was very excited the idea, she emailed the suggestion for supplies, telling me the idea gave her the chills, and the rep even entertained the idea of a book, which I thought was great, explaining to her the heaps of misinformation out there, hence the recent crossfit controversy.


     Interesting experience, and I'm glad so many people are so supportive of our little diabetes community family.

I donut care.

I donut know why but I like this drawing. But this is an appropriate response to crazy blood sugars following dessert.

Blogger.

I have no idea why blogger is being so stubborn but you can check out my latest post titled "Well Loved" back by July 12. I rewrote an old draft from around then, but it should be a new post.

Katy (:

Another World.

A few weeks ago, I left the "real" world to go somewhere that may as well be in another universe.

When you first get there, it seems pretty ordinary. It seems like you're an ordinary person on an ordinary day in an ordinary place, but just wait. It may take you a few minutes, hours, days even to realize something is different here.

Here, you'll find a place to belong... Even as teenagers who are fighting drama and jealousy and each other. Something breakes down the walls we have up, and none of the superficial feelings matter.

But what brings us together like this?

 If you look closely, everyone has their battle scars. More than anywhere else,everyone knows what you go through on a daily basis. They've fought their own battles against the same monsters.

The result is magical. I can't imagine not having diabetes camp.

Spikey.

        I have been spiking so much lately. My nighttime and afternoon blood sugars have been fine. But the morning and evening? I've been spiking well into the 200s every time I eat. They come down by the time I need to retest, but while I have active insulin, my blood sugars are shooting way up and slowly drifting back down to range like fireworks. Bleh.

        I've tried everything. I have been waiting 20 minutes after bolusing to eat, and making sure I'm not eating all fast-digesting carbs. My endocrinologist looked at my dexcom last week and recommended that I wait 15 or 20 minutes to eat, (I am) and try not to eat something that is 50%+ of sugar too often. (Check.) But even so, I am spiking way past where I should.

        For example, I ate 40 carbs for breakfast- a homemade waffle (not a lot of sugar) and berries. I waited 20 minutes to eat, and right now (an hour later) my dexcom graph is showing 241 with a straight arrow up.

What gives, diabetes?

Well loved.

I have had my insulin pump for a year now. And even though it has a four year warranty and works like magic most of the time, it doesn't look like new anymore. 

This is a picture from around last September. No worn or chipped spots.

Just one view of my beat up pump.

What does this to my pump after a year? Sorry pump ;)

Ps. I'm writing and posting this August 24th 2013, I have no idea why it's out of order on the post list

Relate-ability-ness.

     I haven't blogged in 11 days. That's not a record. Not even close. I haven't blogged in a long time. I haven't blogged much at all this year. But then I read this post from Candy Hearts Blog. And I realized that even though I am busy, and I don't always want to sit down and write, I love being able to blog for you guys. I may not inspire you, I don't need to change anyone's life. But finding someone to relate to? Priceless. 

That's my goal here. To put my story out there for someone- anyone to relate to.

     So I'll try really hard to keep blogging for you guys. Thank you DOC for giving me so many people to relate to. I just hope I can do the same for you.