So I guess that this post starts way back, to about when I was in second grade, and decided to save up enough money to buy my own American Girl doll. I really wanted one that I thought looked just like me, which is funny now because:
a) it didn't really, and
b) it seems a little vain.
Anyway, I loved that doll, and admittedly dressedher it up sometimes past when playing dolls was considered a socially acceptable activity. So today when I stumbled across a site that 3D prints dolls with medical conditions and their medical accessories (With insulin pumps in progress!) I was reminded of my American Girl Doll, and yeah, I did go to the website to see what medical "accessories" were available. They have special dolls without hair, and hearing aids, and wheelchairs for dolls, as well as a kit with various casts and bandages. Very cute, in a somewhat unique way (coming from a girl who always played doctor with her toys).
I LOVED this stuff at one point, and I know I would have wanted an insulin pump for my doll if I had been diagnosed younger. Because of this (and the image of a tiiiiiny insulin pump), I actually decided to call the company and (somewhat awkwardly) ask about diabetes supplies for dolls.
I ended up talking to the lady for 10 minutes (LOL but also very cool), and she was very excited the idea, she emailed the suggestion for supplies, telling me the idea gave her the chills, and the rep even entertained the idea of a book, which I thought was great, explaining to her the heaps of misinformation out there, hence the recent crossfit controversy.
Interesting experience, and I'm glad so many people are so supportive of our little diabetes community family.
A few weeks ago, I left the "real" world to go somewhere that may as well be in another universe.
When you first get there, it seems pretty ordinary. It seems like you're an ordinary person on an ordinary day in an ordinary place, but just wait. It may take you a few minutes, hours, days even to realize something is different here.
Here, you'll find a place to belong... Even as teenagers who are fighting drama and jealousy and each other. Something breakes down the walls we have up, and none of the superficial feelings matter.
But what brings us together like this?
If you look closely, everyone has their battle scars. More than anywhere else,everyone knows what you go through on a daily basis. They've fought their own battles against the same monsters.
The result is magical. I can't imagine not having diabetes camp.
Today: I am feeling pretty good health wise. I'm not perfect, not even close, but who is? I know pretty well how to deal with diabetes and all that, and I have a pump to help me.
But let's flash back a year. Today last year, I went home from the hospital. For the first time, I had to apply all the stuff they taught me in the hospital. Which was hard. Probably harder than my diagnosis day. I'm going to take a couple minutes to share everything that happened around my diagnosis.
Late October through Mid-November I was dealing with some serious fatigue, and I was tired all the time. Which honestly wasn't crazy- I have never in my life been one to get enough sleep. I was drinking more water, which concerned me. I read something about a girl with diabetes, she was diagnosed after drinking a lot. I remember finishing a regular watter bottle (during nice weather) by 3rd period. I usually don't drink that much all day at school. I have my regular Dr.'s visits in November, and I had lost 6 lbs. The Dr. was worried, because I weighed 96 lbs then, at a height of 5ft5in. We forgot to mention the water I was drinking, but my mom pointed out it wasn't a ridiculous amount, and I dropped it. However, the weight loss convinced my doctor to order me some blood tests. I wasn't feeling much better, and the Thanksgiving before November, we got the blood work. Thanksgiving Weekend By thanksgiving, I wasn't feeling well. I had this funny taste in my mouth, and my tongue was dry. I actually had a little cold that week, so this got blamed on my cold. My mom had bought mini gatorades for the car ride to my aunt's house, which I finished in the first 10 minutes of the hour long drive. We reached my aunt's house, and I drank a regular watter bottle in 2 minutes, and then downed a diet A&W cream soda. I mostly slept on the couch all day, and I barely ate Thanksgiving Dinner. We went Black Friday shopping at 6am the next day, but I felt terrible. I remember standing in line at Hollister drinking a big ice tea. The whole weekend was really bad. Drink, pee, sleep, repeat. November 28th I felt downright nasty. After getting dressed, my mom took me back to the doctor's office. Following a long wait, the Dr. finally came in. I kind of knew what was coming, but hearing, "She's diabetic." doesn't get much worse. We drove straight to the ER in our Children's Hospital, and I cried on the way, not sure what to think. We went inside,and they tested my blood sugar. 597. They weighed me. 83 lbs. They took me to a room where I got 2 IVs: insulin drip and fluids. That whole day was a blur... I do remember my doctor telling me to slow down on the ice chips. November 29th I woke up the next morning after not really sleeping. The really nice nurses explained everything, and I felt better. I was bored, but being in a regular room, rather than emergency, had its perks. Finally, we did a big learning session with the world's coolest diabetes educator. She was dx'd at the same age as me, and she was really sweet. I learned to test my bg. Learning everything wasn't fun, but surprisingly, it stuck with me. I finally got to eat again, and I had my first low that day-57 bfore dinner. November 30 I was waiting all day to go home all day. It was all review and waiting for a Lantus dose, and all that fun stuff. Finally, I went home. I remember counting the carbs in the soup I ate for dinner. 35 carbs. I was hungry, but I waited 2 hours to eat, since it was my first day. I cried, but I knew it would get better. And Now I feel so different from a year ago. I've been through a lot, and so much has changed.It hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't change it for the world- All this has taught me so much. That's why I picked this song to put up. The feeling totally describes me-even if it's not about love in my case. listen and enjoy :)
Put your lips close to mine
As long as they don't touch
Out of focus, eye to eye
Till the gravity's too much
And ill do anything you say
If you say it with your hands
And i'd be smart to walk away
But you're quick sand
This slope is Treacherous
This path is reckless
This slope is Treacherous
And I I I like it
I can't decide if it's a choice
Getting swept away
I hear the sound of my own voice
Asking you to stay
And all we are is skin and bone trained to get along
Forever going with the flow but you're friction
This slope is Treacherous
This path is reckless
This slope is Treacherous
I I I like it
Two headlights shine through the sleepless night
And I will get you get you alone
Your name has echoed through my mind
And I just think you should think you should know
That nothing safe is worth the drive
And I will follow you follow you home, follow you follow you home
This hope is Treacherous
This day dream is dangerous
This hope is Treacherous
I I I , I I I, I I I
Two headlights shine through the sleepless night
And I will get you get you alone
Your name has echoed through my mind
And I just think you should think you should know
That nothing safe is worth the drive
And I will follow you follow you home
I'll follow you follow you home
I'll follow you follow you home
I'll follow you follow you home
This slope is Treacherous
I I I like it
I decided to post this today, after the whole day yesterday :)
Yesterday was a weird day. Mostly because it had been 1 year since my diagnosis. 1 year. 12 months. 366 days. (yes, it was a leap year!) However you want to say it, that seems like a big milestone. It's been an insane year, good and bad. Laughter and tears. My life, and my friends' lives. I don't think I would change anything I did.
The Diabetic Online Community (and people in general) have been amazing. Thanks guys. Thank you to my family, for helping and learning and stopping everything and understanding. Thank you to my friends for doing everything you can. Thanks to my diabetes educator that taught me everything- I really relate to you and look up to you a lot. (P.S. she made me want a pump... love this girl!) Thanks to our case manager (the endo team person that helps with dose adjustments) for helping make sense of blood sugar patterns all over the map. And thanks to my endocrinologist for being kind of perfect :)
To celebrate all that, I ate blue cinnamon toast for breakfast, and my mom bought dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner. All that festive food makes you feel real mature. ;) So happy last couple days of Diabetes Month, and Don't forget To wear blue for the last Blue Friday!
