A few weeks ago, I left the "real" world to go somewhere that may as well be in another universe.
When you first get there, it seems pretty ordinary. It seems like you're an ordinary person on an ordinary day in an ordinary place, but just wait. It may take you a few minutes, hours, days even to realize something is different here.
Here, you'll find a place to belong... Even as teenagers who are fighting drama and jealousy and each other. Something breakes down the walls we have up, and none of the superficial feelings matter.
But what brings us together like this?
If you look closely, everyone has their battle scars. More than anywhere else,everyone knows what you go through on a daily basis. They've fought their own battles against the same monsters.
The result is magical. I can't imagine not having diabetes camp.
Today: I am feeling pretty good health wise. I'm not perfect, not even close, but who is? I know pretty well how to deal with diabetes and all that, and I have a pump to help me.
But let's flash back a year. Today last year, I went home from the hospital. For the first time, I had to apply all the stuff they taught me in the hospital. Which was hard. Probably harder than my diagnosis day. I'm going to take a couple minutes to share everything that happened around my diagnosis.
Late October through Mid-November I was dealing with some serious fatigue, and I was tired all the time. Which honestly wasn't crazy- I have never in my life been one to get enough sleep. I was drinking more water, which concerned me. I read something about a girl with diabetes, she was diagnosed after drinking a lot. I remember finishing a regular watter bottle (during nice weather) by 3rd period. I usually don't drink that much all day at school. I have my regular Dr.'s visits in November, and I had lost 6 lbs. The Dr. was worried, because I weighed 96 lbs then, at a height of 5ft5in. We forgot to mention the water I was drinking, but my mom pointed out it wasn't a ridiculous amount, and I dropped it. However, the weight loss convinced my doctor to order me some blood tests. I wasn't feeling much better, and the Thanksgiving before November, we got the blood work. Thanksgiving Weekend By thanksgiving, I wasn't feeling well. I had this funny taste in my mouth, and my tongue was dry. I actually had a little cold that week, so this got blamed on my cold. My mom had bought mini gatorades for the car ride to my aunt's house, which I finished in the first 10 minutes of the hour long drive. We reached my aunt's house, and I drank a regular watter bottle in 2 minutes, and then downed a diet A&W cream soda. I mostly slept on the couch all day, and I barely ate Thanksgiving Dinner. We went Black Friday shopping at 6am the next day, but I felt terrible. I remember standing in line at Hollister drinking a big ice tea. The whole weekend was really bad. Drink, pee, sleep, repeat. November 28th I felt downright nasty. After getting dressed, my mom took me back to the doctor's office. Following a long wait, the Dr. finally came in. I kind of knew what was coming, but hearing, "She's diabetic." doesn't get much worse. We drove straight to the ER in our Children's Hospital, and I cried on the way, not sure what to think. We went inside,and they tested my blood sugar. 597. They weighed me. 83 lbs. They took me to a room where I got 2 IVs: insulin drip and fluids. That whole day was a blur... I do remember my doctor telling me to slow down on the ice chips. November 29th I woke up the next morning after not really sleeping. The really nice nurses explained everything, and I felt better. I was bored, but being in a regular room, rather than emergency, had its perks. Finally, we did a big learning session with the world's coolest diabetes educator. She was dx'd at the same age as me, and she was really sweet. I learned to test my bg. Learning everything wasn't fun, but surprisingly, it stuck with me. I finally got to eat again, and I had my first low that day-57 bfore dinner. November 30 I was waiting all day to go home all day. It was all review and waiting for a Lantus dose, and all that fun stuff. Finally, I went home. I remember counting the carbs in the soup I ate for dinner. 35 carbs. I was hungry, but I waited 2 hours to eat, since it was my first day. I cried, but I knew it would get better. And Now I feel so different from a year ago. I've been through a lot, and so much has changed.It hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't change it for the world- All this has taught me so much. That's why I picked this song to put up. The feeling totally describes me-even if it's not about love in my case. listen and enjoy :)
Put your lips close to mine
As long as they don't touch
Out of focus, eye to eye
Till the gravity's too much
And ill do anything you say
If you say it with your hands
And i'd be smart to walk away
But you're quick sand
This slope is Treacherous
This path is reckless
This slope is Treacherous
And I I I like it
I can't decide if it's a choice
Getting swept away
I hear the sound of my own voice
Asking you to stay
And all we are is skin and bone trained to get along
Forever going with the flow but you're friction
This slope is Treacherous
This path is reckless
This slope is Treacherous
I I I like it
Two headlights shine through the sleepless night
And I will get you get you alone
Your name has echoed through my mind
And I just think you should think you should know
That nothing safe is worth the drive
And I will follow you follow you home, follow you follow you home
This hope is Treacherous
This day dream is dangerous
This hope is Treacherous
I I I , I I I, I I I
Two headlights shine through the sleepless night
And I will get you get you alone
Your name has echoed through my mind
And I just think you should think you should know
That nothing safe is worth the drive
And I will follow you follow you home
I'll follow you follow you home
I'll follow you follow you home
I'll follow you follow you home
This slope is Treacherous
I I I like it
I decided to post this today, after the whole day yesterday :)
Yesterday was a weird day. Mostly because it had been 1 year since my diagnosis. 1 year. 12 months. 366 days. (yes, it was a leap year!) However you want to say it, that seems like a big milestone. It's been an insane year, good and bad. Laughter and tears. My life, and my friends' lives. I don't think I would change anything I did.
The Diabetic Online Community (and people in general) have been amazing. Thanks guys. Thank you to my family, for helping and learning and stopping everything and understanding. Thank you to my friends for doing everything you can. Thanks to my diabetes educator that taught me everything- I really relate to you and look up to you a lot. (P.S. she made me want a pump... love this girl!) Thanks to our case manager (the endo team person that helps with dose adjustments) for helping make sense of blood sugar patterns all over the map. And thanks to my endocrinologist for being kind of perfect :)
To celebrate all that, I ate blue cinnamon toast for breakfast, and my mom bought dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner. All that festive food makes you feel real mature. ;) So happy last couple days of Diabetes Month, and Don't forget To wear blue for the last Blue Friday!
I am a freshman in High School, so this weekend was supposed to be full of firsts! Football game, Homecoming Dance, fun!!!!! But something else was first. First pump failure....... Ughhhhhhh.....
So I changed my site before bed,which I KNOW is bad but I was waiting until the battery died/after the game. nd my mom was fine with testing me, as she does pretty much every night. 1 am my BG was 306 mg/dL. Not crazy, but enough we suspected the pump.... Popped in a new inset, plugged the current tubing in, because the tubing looked fine, the insulin was good 5 hrs ago, and it had been sitting in the kitchen. refilled cannula. ezBG and sleep.
at 1, I was 280ish. Coming down, getting insulin. 2 am, finally time to correct without rage bolusing, 274. ezBG, sleep. 4 am 254. Ketones negative (mayyybe trace but not quite), so not enough to worry about.
Now, 281, but I needed a morning basal adjustment anyway. Finally I corrected with a shot. We'll see how this goes. If I get back in range by lunh I think I will eat a cookie. ( Lunch ratio is working great and I'm weighing the cookie ...)
Me making faces at my camera for this post. And quick editing.
Temp basals. Forever. And ever.
Yesterday we were doing hard backstage work in my drama class 1st period. 2nd period, Spanish, I felt low and tested. 76.... Hmmm.... I tried a temp basal, -20% for .5 hrs.
I retested 45 minutes later at 67. Oh well.
Then today. Same drama scenario, halfway through drama I remembered and did -20% for .5hrs. After Spanish I was 96. This is why I love my pump. Animas forever you guys <3
(Okay fine. Medtronic can totally do all this, I made it sound like temp basal is just Animas.... But it's kind of a fake war between me and my friends w/Medtronic pumps, and I love my pump. So there jk)
Looking back at this Summer post, I decided to do an update, despite my summer excitement writer's block.
So Summer School?
Summer school is uber-condensed, so we didn't do a diabetes unit. There were a few pictures of old school meters, and a question about a food label, (Would this help you is you were diabetic? Um, YEAH!!!), but the main thing was when the teacher was talking about ways to get different medications. Basically he said- " IMPLANTED Pumps, like an insulin pump. This is for people with SEVERE type 1 diabetes. otherwise, they'd get THREE OR FOUR shots a day. So doctors surgically IMPLANT a pump in your NECK, and it just CHECKS THEIR BLOOD SUGAR and GIVES THEM THE RIGHT INSULIN." Wow, lots of problems with that, probably more than I capitalized... So I wrote/drew a basic how a pump works thing and left it on his desk, as a "Look how cool!" Thing, and he read it. Yay =D
I think I'm doing more pictures, and having some recipie issues (more like I use real sugar in recipies and can't find enough Splenda) but I'll keep working. Pumping was updated here, and I still can't do a vlog, and I have writers block, so no totally non-d posts... But news.... Keep reading :)
Here's some summer pix and news:
Sorry It's sideways... I love dry erase boards so much haha
Obsessed? Maybe.
I've done lows in the pool.
Yes, I take lots of pictures at once. Yes, I have an underwater case for my *my mom's* camera.
Seriously the best :)
Look what I'm gonna buy... So excited!
And I'm going to Camp Conrad Chinnock from Monday, July 9 to Sunday, July 15. I don't think I can bring a good camera but maybe... I'll try. Either way, I will update after. BUT that means I might not blog until after, depending on how busy I am before. So see everyone soon & have a fun summer!
I survived middle school, officially!
And after promotion, I was 230 mg/dL.
Great... :-(
But I went against everything that felt right and gave myself a shot for a Strawberry Frappucino anyway. No, not the light, the full on 57 grams of carbohydrate for a tall (the fancy word for small) one. The whole time, I was thinking... stupid Katy... I'm going to get ketones from this...
Then I went to my little brother's school with my mom to help with some last-day stuff.
I left my meter in the car.
I never needed it, though, and later we got lunch at Chipotle with their beyond amazing nutrition facts. I added up the carbs for the burrito I was ordering and, Oh yeah- I was a beautiful 102 or 105 or something. In case you were wondering, this is a crazy day, we don't eat out that much :)
Thank you to the DOC for everything! Now it's summer and I will definitely keep blogging.
Here's my summer plans for Diabetes Cuteness:
Get better about posting photos. I am so lazy right now, it's not even funny.
Update about my pump-getting process.
Post some recipies with carb counts, and less-carby versions for those of us who have issues with eating more carbs.
Posting a few non-diabetes posts because yes, I still go on living :)
Vlog? Hopeful, but no webcam yet :(
Tell my experiences of the diabetes unit in health class (summer school) Oh, boy, here we go.
Semi was super fun! I love the way my hair and makeup came out, and I am in love with my dress so much, I'm trying to find an excuse to wear it again. My friends were great, even when I dragged them over to a spot where I tried to find someone to dance with.... Sorry guys! But it was really a girls' night for us, which was crazy fun-. I am also proud to say that my BGs were nice too :) But diabetes was there....
I came in a little low, 68 mg/dl, but I just talked to my friends before a recheck. Nice. 84.
I had a 62g dinner (In-N-Out) and on my 1:15 insulin to carb ratio, I accidentally gave 2u at first, but I realized and gave myself 2 more. This is where I want my pump... All those needles really weren't that cute.
In 2 hrs, I was 130 and had 1 u for part of a chocolate bar-yum! It left me at 79mg/dL (for me thats a good #, my range is 70-150, but I know for some that's low) in a couple hrs, at home.
Overall, diabetes affected like 15 minutes of my night. I wasn't thinking about it the whole time, which I think is very (okay cheesy word ahead) empowering to know that even on shots I can do whatever, and Now I feel like diabetes is a little thing in my life, not my entire life. I still struggle with highs and lows and carbs and doses, but I know I can go ahead and finish the school year (Until June 14) and participate in everything. I feel like it's my life again. I'm not perfect, but last night definetly made me more relaxed. Rock the rest of your year and if it's already summer for you, rock the summer stuff... And tell me if you're going to diabetes camp... I'm signing up right now and I'd love to hear all thoughts and experiences! Thanks everyone!
Wow! It's been 6 months since I was diagnosed today! I felt like celebrating my 1/2 diaversary, so I wore a blue dress, and I'm going to bake cookies, and paint my nails blue. Okay, I know, 6 months, big deal. And it's not even a good thing, really... But I made it this far, it makes me feel like I've been surviving diabetes for enough time, that I got it. :) I've always have this stuff on the counter...
Yesterday, I mentioned all the little things I'm not celebrating. Those are mostly small, though, and I don't want to say, "I'm a great diabetic and these are my only problems." Hey, if you are, that's amazing. But I would be lying... so I can't say it. What I need to do is accept the words, "I have diabetes." It's hard to say without cringing. It's hard to hear, "Oh, she's diabetic." Because I am new to this, it's hard to accept those words. I feel like diabetes is not the problem, it's the words. I want to have a regular pancreas, and I want to have an official "no medical issues" record. I can do it, and I'll admit it. Heck, I'll shove my meter in your face and say, "Yeah, glucose meter!!!!!" But I just don't like the word, diabetes. (DIABEETUS!) Truth is, it's life, so I'll get used to it. But for now... say insulin or glucose...not DIABETES, because I'm not like that old man on TV. It's okay, you guys can say it, just not me :)
Are my blood sugars always in range? No.
Do I eat more carbs than I've covered? Sometimes, Yes.
Am I always a healthy eater? Heck no.
Do I change the lancet when I need to re-lance my finger? Never.
Do I always carry my sugar stuff when I take my dog for a walk? Ummm...No.
What I think I can do, though, is stay positive and keep going. No, I'm not saying I never get an attitude with my mom. (sorry) I'm not saying that I want to keep doing diabetes stuff. But I know I can keep going, partially since I have to and partially since I want to excel at this, no matter how hard it is. I want a regular life, even if that includes some finger pokes and shots. I know I will do this, and never refuse to work towards it. I love life, and I want to keep it that way! See you tommorrow!
I really want to go back to my regular life without diabetes... I and I will(with diabetes), but for now, here's what's changed...
I get sort of stressed over eating sometimes. I'll have to decide exactly how much of what I want, and then wait 15 minutes, sometimes my family already ate or isn't ready and it's weird.
When I go somewhere, I have to carry a bunch of stuff and watch the clock. Grr.
Before lunch at school I have to go deal with (sorry!!!!!!) the school nurses before I can see my friends.
I actually think about what I'm eating to count carbs, and it "scares" me into eating healthy. sometimes.
My friends LOVE watching me check my sugar. They like how the blood zips up the test strip. And evaluating my numbers. And freaking out when they see the lancets.
